It doesn’t have to be articulated, it’s just common courtesy.
4 days and a million confessions later.
I think I may be keeping the wrong doors open while overlooking doors that could lead me to what I look and hope for, and ultimately deserve. 4 days and a million confessions later, nothing. Not that I had hoped for something, because deep down I already knew it would lead to nothing…just as it always has. Not that I expected anything, because this is always how it turns out, this is...
From me, to you. I recorded this song with my...
I think I feel the doors closing...
Because at a time when I need clarity, definition, and something REAL, he speaks in riddles and lyrics.
Talks over coffee.
I had coffee with a very dear friend of mine today. And it was a good familiar feeling that I’ve missed for quite a while now. We had coffee, well, I did. And we talked, we laughed, we listened. There was one strange moment though. I got this flashback of this guy, someone I used to date. Let’s call him…brad. Brad because it sounds like a typical jerk’s name. :| no...
Love, or something like it, at first sight.
That first moment I met you was strangely memorable. It wasn’t romantic, but oh the effect you had on me. You sat next to me, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at your or even in your direction. I was nervous, I was conscious, I was shy and fumbling. A couple of minutes later, we were hanging out and waiting for the others to arrive, and our friend had asked you if “a...
Another day, another goodbye.
I woke up like I do any other day. Everything normal, it seemed. Until a light knock, a twist of the door knob, and instantly another goodbye rocked my world. I sat stunned, trying to process the news, before my mind even knew it, could understand and grasp it, my eyes were tearing, and my heart aching. Like any old day I walked to the breakfast table, and once we all sat together,...
My head is a mess.
So what do you do when you know it’s the right decision, but nobody really wants to hear of it, help you think it through, and support you? It’s this HUGE decision I have to make. I’ve wanted it for so long, and I dream of it quite often. It’s something I know in my heart I have to do for me. Not anyone else. Just me. What I need at this point is someone I can talk to...
Because when you find the one, you never give up.
In one of the ending scenes of one of my favorite movies, Crazy Stupid Love, Cal says: “…I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one…you never give up.” I haven’t found the one, although I know in my heart that when I do, this quote will very much be applicable. Undoubtedly. I can only pray, that he will feel the same way too. I pray for a real man,...
All Souls' Day
All Souls’ Day—a day dedicated to commemorating our beloved dead, a day to remember them, and lift up prayers for them. All Souls’ Day isn’t much different from me than most other days. I always remember you, Lolo. On good days, on bad days, on everything-in-between days. I miss you. Every day. Sometimes it still hurts or stings when I remember losing you, and how you...
I ought to be writing more.
I really ought to be writing more. I’d like to believe I’m not utterly awful at it. After all, I do come from a pretty long line of writers…and musicians (and English teachers). I haven’t been writing much lately. And it’s not for a lack of things to write about, it’s more because there’s too much going on, too much to write about, it would take...
Yes, that much, I know. I’m yearning. For more. For one—even though I don’t know who it is yet. For many things, new things, old things. For better, for the best. Sometimes these desires, I cannot quiet.
Me and one of my many random thoughts that I just...
You’re more than enough on your own. You’re more than enough, period. You’re perfectly capable on your own, you get things done, you don’t NEED anybody, you’re independent. At the end of the day though…sometimes it would be nice to have one person, that one person who just gets you. The one you call yours, and who calls you his. That one person who just sees you...
i miss your purple hair, i miss the way you taste.
those were among the first words you ever spoke to me. as i was doodling lyrics in my notebook in class like i always do, you were sitting in the chair next to me, and said “i miss your purple hair, i miss the way you taste.” what odd words to say to a girl you barely knew. i looked up at you, with a puzzled expression. “it’s a line from a song. put that there”, you...
Someday doesn't sound so bad.
He hasn’t found me. But he will. One day he will. Not now, no, not yet. But one day, he WILL find me. And it’ll be grand.
I’ve been off Facebook and twitter for holy week. There’s only about an hour and a half left before I can go back to it, but it feels like these last few hours are harder to resist than the past 5 days.
From Thy bounty...
I just have to take a quick moment to be thankful to Him for His constant, faithful and bountiful provision. I’m at my desk, doing some accounting; I sit in awe at how He has more than just allowed me to settle everything I need to and have needed to. I have more to settle and pay for, in this month, and slightly anxious, to be honest, but more excited to see how He will come through for me...
One day I’ll fly away, and leave all this to yesterday.
of old journal entries.
i’m on a twitter and facebook hiatus…well, sort of. i’m keeping away for holy week. no, it doesn’t include tumblr as it doesn’t really require much of my time or attention. i use it mainly to vent and write and what not. i decided to log on to multiply, just to look at old photos, read my old journal entries there. i just realized how much i put up with before. 3...
yes, i'm irritated.
did it ever occur to you that maybe i’m not being selfish and unaccommodating, and that YOU’RE actually being selfish and inconsiderate? did it occur to you that i might not be annoyed by the fact that i’m doing you favors left and right, but that i’m actually annoyed that you have a tendency to be such a baby and a brat? did it occur to you that i might be tired of...
Today, the scent of your car.
Found myself in an abrupt halt in a mall today. All because it suddenly smelled like your car. And in that instant, memories of us, of you, flashed in front of me. It wasn’t the type of thing where you catch a whiff of a perfume that disappears after a few seconds; it was that the entire place actually smelled like your car. It seemed like I couldn’t walk fast enough to get out of...
we love, we learn. we lose, we learn. we live, we...
We tend to learn much more through pain than we do through pleasure. We learn when we get HURT. We learn when FAILURE happens. We learn when THINGS DON’T WORK OUT the way we wanted them to. We learn through BETRAYAL. We learn how POWERFUL we are. We learn not to ignore our intuition. We learn to LOVE OURSELVES and demand more than just crumbs of love. We learn that there are literally...
I want something that I want. I want so much.
Excuse the upcoming disorganized thoughts. I haven’t blogged in a while, and right now a gazillion things are running through my mind. I’m dying to go to Ireland. Dying to go to Greece too. Wanderlust. I want to go so bad I literally feel like crying. (don’t judge haha) I wanna move to Sydney. For real. Get away, start fresh, gain financial stability, be independent. Maybe...
Up and down
I feel restless. It’s been a great day, but I just feel a bit restless. One moment today triggered it. Sigh. I guess it’s just one of those things, inevitable things. On a lighter note, I got new shoes which J helped me pick out today. Oh, and we wrote a song yesterday too. Haha random random.
one simple question.
When was the last thing you did something for yourself? Just for yourself.
Another flashback morning.
Again. Another one. Can’t wait to shake this all off. I’d write more, but that’s about all the brain activity my mind can handle this early, with this little sleep. On a good note, it’s a holiday! And I’m gonna get me some retail therapy. To better days.
well, maybe not exactly untidy, but i was a little out of it today. first off, i was late for class. not to point fingers, but it really wasn’t my fault or anything. i had accompanied mom to the hospital today, and the doctor ran a little late. so started the ripple of slightly altered schedules. in my case, i was getting antsier by the minute, knowing i was gonna be late for class. and...
These damn flashbacks. :( what I wouldn’t give just to wash it all away. All of it. Now.
I thought I was okay.
I am okay. There are just these little wounds, remnants of what happened, what was, and what could have been, and the sting from how it all turned sour. I’ll be okay. Not today, but I’ll be better in no time.
the clumsy ballerina.
dainty. fragile. demure. girly—words that were never and will never be used to describe me. wobbly. clumsy. dorky. off-balance. un-girly—words that actually describe me. i’m probably everything a ballerina is not. except, perhaps, for my body-type (which i’ve been told is what the usual size is for a typical ballerina; it wasn’t by my own standards that i claimed...
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
or so they say. when it’s overdone, it’s just plain annoying. just in case you didn’t know, it’s okay to make up your own mind, it’s okay to do your own thing and think of your own thoughts. so seriously, get a life. PS. not mine.
shake you off
—seemingly impossible, it is. how can you be this intricately interlaced in my everyday life already? when did that happen?
uh-oh, she's blogging again.
more often than not, my blogging is a sign of a troubled mind and heart. i am, indeed, troubled. i feel stupid. incredibly foolish for having believed the words that were said. but i’m guessing if you’d heard and read the same things, you’d have felt the same. and you’d be as dumbfounded as i am as to how and when things got this way. isn’t it so frustrating...
what was i thinking?
all good things come to an end. what made me think that this time around, it’d be different? i know i’ve got the strength, right now i pray for the grace to accept and move past it as soon as possible.
No, I'm not emo.
I just have a legitimate question that runs through my mind pretty frequently, especially lately— Is he ever proud of the way I’ve turned out? Just a thought.
feeling a little nostalgic.
a few borrowed, and slightly altered, words from alicia keys: you gave me a feeling that i’d never felt before. emphasis on the past tense. it’s true, what they say, you will forget what other people do and what they say, but you won’t forget how they made you feel. fortunately, the feeling i got from that experience is more than pleasant. what went on was strange;...
yes, there are times when it’s good to detach, be unavailable, unreachable. other times, it’s just plain necessary. for the sake of sanity. for MY own sanity.
i'm a duck.
yes, you read it right—i’m a duck. on the surface, i may seem calm, cool, collected. underneath, i’m paddling like crazy trying to keep things together. the way i see it, despite the hurdles, no matter what you’re struggling through, you don’t need to be unhappy through and through. sure, you’re stressed. sure, you’re having a bad day, or a plain...
when people show up in your dreams, it’s not because they want something...
Julian: This was nice, Brooke. Brooke: Yes, it was…..Julian, what was this? Julian: We should probably just say that it was what it was, because anything else is complicated. Brooke: Perfect. sometimes we have to learn to enjoy and take things as they are—no labels, no explanations. just let them be. i love this show.
i’m looking for something, i’m not sure what it is. i’m restless and unsettled. i’m not liking this state i’m in at all. wait. let me clear this befuddled head of mine.
“Alis volat propriis.” i want those words tattooed on my forearm (maybe), in white ink. it’s latin for “she flies with her own wings.” i’ve been thinking about getting inked for several months now. it crossed my mind early this year, and it hasn’t left my mind since. i want it in white ink mainly because it’ll be there, but subtle. it won’t...
the world before her was sober with no place to...
ah, to be written and sung about in jeff buckley’s words and voice. to be the subject of such songs. i woke up with “forget her” playing in my head this morning. go figure. i’m not complaining, though. his words are amazing. nobody writes like him anymore. if they do, i’ve yet to discover them. yogurt with cereal and coffee for breakfast, jeff buckley playing in...
can i go now?
Let’s call it a day I’ll pack my bags Be on my way Sure don’t need to stay Where I’m not welcome anyway Well now that’s all right and that’s OK
First of all, it really IS difficult not to feel a little disappointed. I was sort of hoping for something to turn up. Not expecting, just hoping. But on a lighter note, there’s a saying or a quote that goes “what’s meant to be will always find a way.” to that, I’ll hold on. I still feel slightly disappointed, though :p
He says all the right things At exactly the right time But he means nothing to...
preschool teacher's life.
i stumbled upon old videos i took of my students before. i miss them, my babies. i miss being a preschool teacher. i think one day, i might really just go back to being a preschool teacher. i was good at it. it just came to a point THERE, that i was made to question that skill, and to that point where it felt like it wasn’t as fulfilling anymore. if i were to go back to being a preschool...